My Mental Health Story Part 1.

I'm going to tell you a bit about myself and my mental health journey. Now don't get my story wrong, I'd say I had a pretty good life for the most part, but did I struggle with mental health?. Abso-fricking-loutley. This is just the first part of my mental health journey I am going to share with you. Some things in here can be hard to hear for some people reading this, and can be a trigger so here is your warning. 

When I was in school, I believe it was 8th grade for me when my body had started changing more and more. I went through my "emo" girl phase, I started gaining weight, I wore more heavy makeup to cover the fact that I was starting to get the random pimples here and there. You know, normal teenager problems!. Of course I never thought about my weight because to me then... well. I thought I looked good. Boy did this change quick for me. Welcome to the world of bullying is what should have been slapped on me. In gr. 8 I want to say I was around 130-140lbs, I was a curvy girl and not what most people would call FAT. So I'd say yes I was heavier then the girls in my class but I like to say it's cause my body shape was much different. I had a pair of tits, I had a ass, I had the hour glass shaped body. And now if that was me that would be normal and every males type right!?. Well I got called a fat cow. Fat bitch. The boys would "Moo" at me. I remember wearing bright red skinny jeans, that I was in love with at the time, and I remember wearing them to school and one of the boys in my class was telling everyone my pants were red because I was on my period and it was leaking through, so then I dealt with more of the boys calling me disgusting. Giving me dirty looks, said I should probably put a tampon in. Let me tell you I quit wearing those pants to school after that. 
onto now my gr. 9 year.... the first day back to school. Funny how it worked but I actually met the love of my life that day. (This can be a topic for another time). But Gr. 9. The bullying got worse. It was everyday something nasty was said to me, and well you guessed it! It was to do with my weight again.. yes I started to get heavier from gr.9 - 12 but that's not reason why people should have been bullying me. Or at all. My boyfriend at the time, (my husband now) was getting messages from one of the males in my class saying to "dump a bitch", and this male specifically was one of the ones who constantly bullied me. 
skip from gr.9 now to 11, I thought I had it bad in gr.9/10 but no I was wrong, it got worse. It got to the point where in gr. 11 I left the classroom and ran home and said I'm NEVER going back there. I felt like the teachers were turning a blind eye to the shit happening, because those boys who bullied me were known as the "popular" kids, more like the douche bags. I was walking back from a PE class from the arena where we went skating, and we all had our laptop bags with us, and of course my bullies were walking behind me and I kept hearing spitting sounds and it sounded like they were hawking lugies and I remember turning around and they were all laughing at me so I turned back around and kept on my way thinking what the fuck are they gonna say now.. but it's not what they said... its actually what they did at this point. I felt something hit my bag which was strapped to my back, and I went to look and they had spit ALL OVER my bag. I remember then walking faster trying to not cry. I got into the school went to my locker the next thing that happened was one of the guys walked by and pushed me into my locker on purpose. I instantly bursted into tears because for me that was it. I hit my breaking point. I knew my mental health was bad before but it hit a whole new high that day... my sister, my good friend and boyfriend came up and asked me what was wrong I remember telling them then I just remember running home. I got home I through my bag off thinking what the fuck I don't want to clean all these lugies and spit off my bag that's disgusting!. My boyfriend, sister and friend showed up they grabbed my bag and took it back to the school to show my principle. I remember my sister telling me she told the principle he can clean it off seeing as nothing was ever getting done about the fact that I was bullied so bad. I remember I was laying in bed, bawling, I called my mom and I told her that was it I'm never ever going back to school. I explained what happened she said to stay home, she will deal with it. My mental health got to the point that day I contemplated suicide. I thought okay, no one is here how can I do this?. I could try the hanging in the closet method, I could go in the tub and cut myself... I could find pills and just swallow all the ones I find. But then I thought about how much I'd miss my family. And the few good friends that I did have at the time. 
my mom came home that afternoon and told me she had a talk with one of my bullies parents but it didn't go as planned. The mother of my bully just gasped and said my son would never do that. I don't believe that to be true. So when people say to talk to the parents, it doesn't always go as planned!. 
skip forward now too a few months later still in my gr.11 year two of the boys got a in school suspension for only 1 week. (Long story short, I punched one of my bullies in the face for being super rude and he hit me back and put grilled cheese in my face and all throughout my hair). 
They were calling me fat, a cow and were being extremely rude to another friend of mine. Us girls decided it was time to do something but more like I did.. lol. No it's not okay to hit anyone, I regret it as much as I didn't like this guy just because it's never okay to hurt someone. 
I started then to go to counseling as my mental health just kept taking a hit. It didn't matter what I did, where I went, who I was with, I just never felt good enough, Pretty enough, skinny enough, I was shocked my boyfriend stuck around by my side knowing how much hate and bullying I endured. Usually no one wants to date the "loser", but he did. Finally cut to - it's my gr.12 year, one of my bullies left, 2 remained. That year I just decided to ignore them the best I could, this was my last year of school then I'll never have to see them again! Did I still get called fat, disguisitng, and pushed in to lockers?. Yes. lol. And I'm only laughing now because I'm done highschool. I'm 28 now and I look back and one of my bullies actually apologized to me face to face, started to treat me with respect and like a real human should be treated and now I'd say he is a good friend. He's grown up a lot, went through some crazy mental health problems himself and changed his ways for the better. Hes a proud dad now to a beautiful girl and we keep in touch.
I would never wish for anyone to be bullied. I had extreme anxiety going to school, I would just eat constantly it felt like because that felt like a good way to get my mind off what was going on in my life. 
And of course I was extremely depressed. Did I show this stuff though?. No. I didn't show I had anxiety, and I didn't like to eat around anyone in school. I also smiled a lot and showed people that it didn't bother me but it really did.. 

The point to my mental health piece, is to show you mental health can be anything, this is just a chapter of my life from when I was younger, I struggled. And I struggled with depression also. My bullies, I can tell you have also struggled with mental health. My family during the time of me being bullied so bad struggled with mental health because they just wanted me to feel okay. They didn't want to see me sad because it hurt them and made them feel helpless like they couldn't do anything. Mental health comes out in all forms. It's not just one specific thing, it can be multiple things. 

What Do You Think It Means When You Hear "Mental Health"?. 

 Mental health is everywhere. So many people you will see in your day to day life is struggling with mental health. It could be a child being bullied, it could be a friend struggling with infertility, it could be your grandma grieving the loss of her husband, it could be your husband stressed out over finances. Mental Health to me anyways I feel like can be anything. We just don't talk about it because no one wants to talk about it. Mental health is one of the least talked about subjects on our planet!. 

But why?? Is it because we are all used to suffering in silence?. Is it because we are just used to people not giving a shit?. What's everyone's thoughts and opinions on why it's not talked about enough?. I think mental health should be normalized. I think if you are struggling with mental health it's OKAY to take time for Yourself, its OKAY to have a mental health day and not be judged for it. Lets quit being assholes to people who do struggle with it when they say they need a mental health day. Let's NORMALIZE Mental Health!.